picked up two saudi moms near rodeo drive. dressed great. very classy bhurkas.
i wanted to say something, but you know what i do when i want to talk to people about things that have religious meanings?
i drive with my mouth shut.
we passed a tiny park next to the montage hotel, packed with people on a sunny day.
the two ladies exchanged some words to each other in arabic and laughed.
i said, i think it’s a free jazz concert.
they said, no it’s an arab meet up.
one of the women told me that everyone gets dressed up and “casually” meets at the park and gets to know each other and they talk about all of their homes and cars and the great schools their kids are going to and they show off their jewelry.
the other woman told me that they both like to wear more subtle clothes and not try to be flashy.
i said, ive been keeping it real my whole life. ignore the shiny benz.
they laughed from behind expensive sunglasses.
one of them got a phone call. two of her kids were fighting and the nanny was calling for advice. the advice was to separate them, make them each read a book. they will be talked to when she returns.
it was super intense and clear and i would be a little scared while reading my punishment book waiting for my no-nonsense mom to come home.
the other mom had been telling me how much she loves Americans. how helpful we are.
does she live in a hotel?
then she compared the US to the french. apparently they have a summer pad in the south of france and it’s annoying to them that the town insists on speaking french even though ‘everyone knows english.’
whats worse, they are currently being forced to take ubers everywhere (this trip included) because they were forced to make car shipping arrangements in french.
her husband insists they ship their cars back and forth from europe to LA any time they know they’re going to spend a good amount of time here.
there was a misscommunication, lets say.
you know what i do when people tell me about shipping their G Wagons around the world?
i fermer my bouche.
miles davis was playing on the radio because thats who i bump when im trying to be classy with fancy ladies.
we made a stop at a big-time wilshire condo skyscraper and dropped off the scary mom. in the driveway sat a porche suv, customized to look metallic.
and on closer inspection, it had bedazzled rims. from afar they looked like diamonds.
see! see! they said to each other. arabs!
i had already taken a snapchat picture.
now that it was just me and the nice mom, she leaned in and told me things.
like even though she doesnt obsess over material objects, she does love diamonds,
great purses, shoes, nice dresses,
and good hotels.
she said shes never been to nyc but is going there in the winter because her son has three weeks off for christmas break. he goes to a british school.
she told me she doesnt know how to drive. i told her i should start a school called
saudi lady driving school
she nearly died laughing.
then said she would sign up immediately
i take ubers all over the world. life was so much harder before. the men who drove cabs were animals. and they never wanted to stop and wait when i ran errands.
after i dropped her off, she said she wished i was always her driver.
i quickly calculated what i would charge to be their private driver for the summer and probably get murdered after one thing led to a mother, i mean another.
a hundred grand? i thought.
i wished her a good trip to nyc. and she said, Inshallah.
what does that beautiful word mean? i asked.
she said, oh, it means if God wills.
so i said, As-salamu alaykum
her mouth dropped.
thanks ice cube.