twas the night before Christmas and i got a ping for a good ride from a little blocked off neighborhood square all lit up in twinkle lights and tinsel, blowup santas and candy canes
the cute couple ran to the car laughing, bundled up against the unseasonably cold weather that came with the rain you you probably heard about.
they didnt care.
love.
her cheeks were red and her mistletoe earrings sparkled from the streetlight. he was wrapped in a bulky winter coat you dont see that often in these parts, but tis the season.
thanks, thanks, they said piling into the backseat. was that snow in their hair?
yes, they had a rooftop snowmaker, he told me, for the kids.
it was the grinch, she said, on the second story. she described a scene where santa’s sleigh had been hijacked by the dr. suess villain, with “snow” being projected down to the kids below as they sloshed through it.
i have no idea how they did it, he said, but it was cool, so to speak, he laughed. they laughed. everyone was laughing.
i was playing the new christina aguilera christmas album live in paris where yr girl was belting out a handful of your faves, plus overdone overthetop versions of some of her biggest hits like genie in a bottle. lady marmalade was on when i turned it down a smidge so they could tell me about this town square.
omg, it was so fun, but the weirdest thing happened, the young woman said.
he really wanted to go to a church, any church, today or tomorrow, to light a candle for a few people and his mom. we passed a beautiful catholic church holding a christmas eve mass. people were sitting outside, listening, because you could hear the music and parts of the sermon
but we could see people coming out of it, he interrupted, so we figured we could go in.
i grabbed his hand and we made our way up the stairs, she continued, laughing. we opened the door, and this guy looked at us and asked the craziest question:
are you visitors?
i looked at him dumbfounded, the guy chimed in, like um, arent we all visitors? isn’t life fleeting? aren’t we all just temporary souls randomly selected to spin around on this planet for a blink of an eye? he asked, getting a little too deep for a $12 uber ride, but ok.
yes! i said, yes we are.
she said, yeah, but that was obviously the wrong answer. the door guard said, cant you see we’re in the middle of mass? which, yes, we could. duh. then he said, OUT! and literally pushed my fiancé toward me. we backed out of the church, and he shut the huge doors behind us.
what on earth? i asked.
they laughed, but the young woman was still a bit put off by it. like who does that?
on christmas eve, her man added.
i said, well technically that’s sorta exactly what happened to joseph and mary
they didnt seem to understand, or maybe they were listening to xtina wailing
so i said, isn’t that what baby jesus’ mom and dad went through on christmas eve? there was no room in the inn for them, just like for you: there was no room in the church.
but there was room! she said.
i know, i know, and i bet somewhere in bethlehem there was a room for them
she was pregnant! who does that? she said.
i know, but the story is better, dont you think? that the savior of the planet’s parents got dissed the night before he was gonna make his big debut.
because that’s what earth is, one fuck you after another, he said. at first sad, then laughing.
sure, but then its a big manger party with the three wise men and their gifts and the donkey and the cow and the shepherds adoring the little guy. and the angels and saints checking it out from above, i said.
(leaving out the part where the king was plotting to have the messiah killed.)
and they all had to haul ass to africa and lay low for a little while.
we drove out of the valley, up the 405, then down past the getty center and westwood and turned west on santa monica blvd listening to christina
and wondering why the hell she was singing in paris of all places.