her name was bella. she tried to kiss me last night from my back seat not long before the ball dropped.
i picked her up around 11pm in toluca lake in front of a crowded bar. her former boss, a woman, was drunk and needed a ride home to pasadena and bella was being so sweet and said she’d ride with her.
the whole way to pasadena, the drunk ex-boss was all, bella i feel so guilty. you’re so young, you should be out there. i’m so embarrassed.
and bella said, martha, you hired me. you promoted me. you were always the best boss to me. it’s ok. tony will take me back. this is a no brainer. you would do it for me too.
which is all true and just another reason only women should be allowed to carry guns.
dudes would draw a dick on their friend’s face with permanent marker, take his cubs hat, and toss him into the uber which they jokingly have sent to the police station.
in my backseat though sat two slurring women hugging each other as we sped through the darkness east up the 134 through Glendale.
dropping off martha was a bit of an ordeal. her husband waited in the driveway in his robe looking at his phone. she wouldn’t stop apologizing and bella just took it.
once finally in the back seat, bella started confiding in me saying that she was sad because the boy shes been talking with said he couldn’t make it to the bar tonight. i’m sad, i really like him. he’s the hottest guy at [big company].”
i was talking to her while peeking at the rear view mirror to try to get a good look. it had been so dark and also i intentionally try not to look at my female passengers at night because i have enough problems as a libra falling in love with people instantly.
so eyes on the road.
let me ask you some questions bella, if you don’t mind.
yes please, tony, she said.
she called me tony at the end of every sentence. a little annoying, but whatever. she was drunk. it was twenty minutes there and twenty minutes back, and i was making $46, because there are only a few nights a year, new years even and a couple of others, when you make reasonable money.
have you been on a date with him before?
define date tony.
you agree to do something, he picks you up, you do the thing, theres some sexual tension when he drops you off at home. if you’re lucky, theres a smooch and then you tell all your bffs immediately what you want to name his babies.
then we had one date, at the la brea brewery. and there was a kiss, tony.
when was that?
two months ago.
i hate to tell you this bella, but the cute boy has too many options. thats why there hasnt been a second date and why he didnt wanna go to toluca lake for nye.
she started to cry.
shit.
through the sobs she told me shes twenty-five, lives with her immigrant mom, and feels like she is behind her friends and The World.
i was all, bella, it’s not a race.
do you wanna be a 30 year-old divorcee with two handsome kids? there are worse things than being an incredibly big hearted single lady in the back of the greatest uber in LA
she laughed and blew her nose into the burger king stack of napkins i handed her.
do you have cats, bella?
yes! yes i do tony!
ok. if your cats are fed and snoozing across the room while you are on the couch, and you call them or scratch the pillow beside you, do they come lay on your lap?
no, tony.
do they come if you haven’t fed them?
sometimes tony.
you cant feed these boys, baby.
let this pretty man starve a little. stop telling him about places youre gonna be. stop inviting him to go hiking with you thinking youre gonna lure him in your alo pants. every girl has alo pants.
i have lululemons, tony.
i paused imagining, inappropriately.
do you know what im saying bella?
but tony, what if he never texts me again?
bella, we live in the second most populous city in the united states. what is your background?
i’m salvadorian.
do you have any kids or an ex-husband?
no.
no offense, but what? do you know how rare it is for a beautiful 25 year-old latina to enter a dating situation with no kids?
she started crying again. comparing herself.
omg you have such an advantage over all the other chicas. you dont see that when you go to latin clubs?
i dont go to clubs, tony.
well promise me that you will go. because you will get eaten alive. in the best way.
we pulled over in front of the bar.
the entire ride back, she leaned forward in the back seat, repeatedly bumping my side with her hand as she tried to talk closer to me.
occasionally, she would say sorry if she hit my side hard.
i was wearing my covid mask.
idling, she didnt move. stayed close to me. she tried an awkward hug but mostly got the back of my seat. then she kissed at my face but pecked 89% mask.
i turned around to her to get that good look, for science.
and i soaked it in.
dear reader, if anyone was overdue for a midnight connection it was yours truly. i havent gotten a good old-fashioned sloppy one since my last gf years ago.
its been quite the dry spell. but bella was slurring, clearly emotional, and it wouldnta been hard to get a tiny bit of action on one of those tree-lined side streets near the river.
but thats playing with fire.
so when i turned around to her, she slowly retreated and laid back in the seat to allow me that good look.
and holy 2024, she was fresh faced with beautiful hair, well-pressed blouse and a pair of oversized ann taylor slacks you’d see lauren bacall wear with a blazer and no shirt.
she was dressed to get kissed.
and here it was 11:45pm and her body language was saying come here dummy.
i said holy shit bella, youre a knock out.
next week, i want you to go to a latin club in this exact outfit, and go alone and dance and speak spanish
and if you are not the princess of the dancefloor with every man with a modello,
and if they don’t all swarm you and fight over you, email me and tell me im an idiot.
i handed her my business card
youre not an idiot tony. and she leaned forward and took a picture of the business card and tried to kiss me again but i gave her mask.
she plopped back in the seat and pouted. defeated.
i could smell her ariana grande ari perfume as i waved goodbye when she finally slid out of the car.
i waved, but didnt look back because i had just learned what and lead us not into temptation was written for