two beautiful filipinas got in the Y in silver lake. swear to god. both holding drinks in see-thru plastic cups and straws sticking out.
both had designer sunglasses, sheer dresses with tasteful something or another underneath. swimwear? looked like they were going to a white party.
it was friday afternoon and they were heading to long beach. $32 for me.
maybe you don’t understand. $32 trips dont pop up on the screen all that often. usually they’re $4 or $7, sometimes $3. If they are $32 theres usually a catch like they’re way further than they should be or there’s “a stop” which might actually mean they want you to go somewhere far and then take you back.
so when you get one thats a straight shot from silver lake to the lbc on an afternoon in your new used car, you take it.
lyft estimated it’d take an hour. sometimes hour-long trips from silver lake to lax take an hour and only pay $20, so this was a no brainer.
got lucky they were chatty.
because im an idiot, when i saw these ladies on sunset heading to long beach i assumed they lived down there and had spent an early brunch up in the bougie, hipster, gentrified hollywood-y neighborhood and had to go back home.
but no, they were from young nurses from vegas of all places, and they clicked with me so fast i dont even know what music was playing.
so whats going down by the ocean home of snoop dogg today? i asked. no wait. lemme guess.
we were stopped at a light across from the recently closed 99 cent store, boarded up and heavily tagged with graffiti.
i lowered my sunglasses and looked into the rearview. they had pulled down the drink holder, properly placed their cups in there.
damn they were cute. what life is this im co-starring in?
and i said
last night in hollywood you met some boys at the club who swear they have a yacht and they want to take you up the coast to the marina and roofie you in venice?
they laughed and laughed and said you are so close!
the talkative one said, a good friend of mine is actually a very successful hip-hop producer and has a boat! he texted me this morning and said any time youre in LA hit me up. and i said im in LA with my sister…
wait, you two are sisters?
yessir! they laughed in perfect harmony.
truly stunned i yelled, nurse sisters? asian nurse sisters? am i in a porno? where’s the wah wah guitar?
traffic was bad on the hollywood freeway and i know i say these people laugh a lot in these tales but they do. we’re in these cars for such a short period of time, and in traffic, so live a little.
do nurses have the best drugs? i asked.
well, im an x-ray tech and she works in a hospice.
but you know doctors, a few who must be in love with you.
i make it a point of never taking drugs offered to me by men, the quiet one said and sipped the remains of her drink until it made that noise.
smart! i said and thought about it. maybe that should be the rule of thumb for everyone. no drugs from men!
then i added, although nowadays everyone should be testing their drugs before they do them.
omg i volunteer for a non profit that provides bars with test strips so people can test their coke before they do rails in the bathroom.
am i in love with you? i asked. do you know you’re getting VIP in heaven? you make the old people happy as they party in the home and you keep the kids in the bars from croaking in the can.
in Heaven VIP you’ll have the code to the best bathrooms. no lines at the bar and you can cut the line to kiss Elvis.
they laughed and laughed then said, ewwwww!
no love for the king? tough crowd.
then i said, doctor, do you have test strips for molly? because i haven’t done that in so long and i want to one day but i wouldn’t even know where to score any these days, but if i did i’d want to test it.
yes we do. i want my sister to try it soon.
why havent you tried it? you live in vegas, you’re carousing LA with your smoking hot sister, surely you’ve had the chance?
now she was chewing her ice. she said, im more a Special K girl and looked out the window.
ketamine? damn. forgot for a sec i was driving hardened Vegas women.
oh im soft where i need to be, she said and laughed.
heres what i recommend for you, i said, ignoring the easy reply. either get someone you like being naked with, or a group of friends who wont freak out if you want to kiss each of them; rent a cabin in the woods and put your cell phones in the trunk of a car.
then get a bunch of candy and snacks and robes and pajamas and bubble gum omg so much bubble gum and make a few playlists.
one playlist will be for dancing. one will be for spin the bottle. and one will be for that twilight period at like 6am where you havent fallen asleep yet and you sorta wanna drift off into la la land. but not zonk out quite yet.
the sister said, i guess i was turned off by it because i heard it was a sex drug and i like to be in control at all times.
come on, pretty olivia rodrigo, by now you must know control is an illusion. secondly it’s not a sex drug, it’s a love drug. it’s more about kissing with no tongue. telling your friends how much they mean to you. crying happy tears. having a contest to see whose hair smells the best.
i took off my cubs hat to reveal my bald head and bragged: state champ ’99.
her sister laughed and said, jesus can you dj her first trip?
yes, yes i can. of course. for a very low fee. but this should be your music. her music. your friends’ music. learning who the people you love listen to creates a level of bonding we don’t get much anymore in this era of ear buds. ask your parents, about the golden time, when people would walk around with enormous boom boxes on their shoulders forcing everyone to hear their terrible music.
benjamin franklin im pretty sure started the trend which is why we put him on the $100 bill, the price of Fischer boom boxes.
but, alas, we have devolved.
the quiet sister said she liked to shroom, but only microdose amounts, because, again, control.
one day you’ll break out, i said, and asked, how old are you?
20.
what? wtf? girl! you can’t even buy a beer and —
she interrupted and said, why buy when they’re handed to you? and laughed.
now on the Harbor freeway, speeding towards the 405 i said ok, tell me about this world of yours. ive never been a hot girl, and even though ive been to vegas dozens of times, today’s vegas is different. do you girls go to a lot of day parties?
you mean at the hotel pools? the older sister asked.
yeah. i went to Rehab a few times at the Hard Rock.
awwww, they both sighed, mourning its demise. no, day parties are too hot. and pool parties fuck up your hair and make up. do you know how long it takes to look this good?
filipinas dont wake up like that?
if you’re lucky, the 20 year old said, you’ll find out one morning.