he was old. older than i thought.
picked him up near the LAX in-n-out. he carried a small bag and a big suitcase.
i had been waiting around the airport for a fat ride but there were 100 drivers ahead of me in the virtual line and uber is mad at drivers right now for some reason.
it doesn’t want to give us fat rides unless it’s a friday or saturday night after the bars close, but my benz has been vomit free and i’d like to keep it that way. so there i was at noon at the airport getting little rides. baby rides. rides that should be thrown back into the water to grow.
but the jokes on uber, which hasn’t yet realized that little rides add up if you can do them quickly.
his name was bernard. old and Black. usually i’d help people with their luggage, but earlier in the week, i helped a woman who had an extremely heavy metal suitcase and because God loves me i didn’t strain my back.
but in my ear he whispered, don’t be an idiot, let them break their own body.
so bernard lifted his beat up samsonite into the trunk, scooted over to the door with a limp, and i felt terrible when i saw how hunched over he was. Black folk should help one another out. i didn’t realize how old he was.
awkwardly he got in and said, sorry, I am blind in one eye.
oh god, i thought. im going to hell.
he adjusted himself in his seat like a rickety lawn chair trying to fit back into its box.
praise Jesus for fixing us up with two eyes or i wouldn’t be able to see at all, he laughed cheerfully.
this trip was scheduled for two miles.
the sheraton at the airport, correct? I asked. always ask. Sometimes they type it in wrong.
especially if they’re blind in one eye.
correct. i’m meeting up with a girl i went with 40 years ago. We both have gotten rid of our balls and chains and arranged to meet in LA. she’s from N’awlins. I’m from savannah.
i smiled behind my covid mask. look at you bernard! i said, old as dirt and still having rendezvouses!
he he he he chuckled. if you don’t use it, boy, it’ll fall off. you know this!
i checked my uber map and saw two hotels side by side, the sheraton and the hyatt. to keep rides quick, it helps to triple-check with passengers as the trip is happening so there are no surprises at the destination.
you’d be shocked how often there are surprises.
OK, so are we sure it’s the sheraton and not the hyatt? I asked.
he held the phone very far away from his good eye, and then very close. we were getting closer. then he said, hot damn, she booked such an expensive hotel. yes, the sheraton. does she think I’m made of money?
i laughed and said, the only reason men get paid more than women is so we can give them the difference.
i know that’s right, he laughed and clapped his hands.
donna summer was playing on the groove station on siriusxm. channel 50.
i was so curious what this woman looked like, but before i could ask anything stupid, we were there.
a few cars were ahead of us. then I spied a vision walking out from the sliding glass doors.
it was a young woman, with her long hair pulled back into two long ponytails. her head was shiny from product.
giant sunglasses.
she was wearing a little top and zigzag-patterned yoga pants that accentuated every curve of her lower half.
hot damn, girl! the old man said a tiny bit louder than he should have.
bernard has been healed by booty! i announced, laughing while getting out, and helping him this time, with his crusty bags.