only carrying a nap sack, i picked him up at ontario airport
my favorite airport bc it’s in-and-out, theres a place to pee
and if people want to take me all the way back to hollywood
it’s worth my while.
but if you dont have a suitcase and i pick you up at the airport i will happen to find you suspicious.
and if you dont tell me what you were doing in the place you just flew in from then that too will raise my spidey senses even though i know how outrageous it is for me to believe that every single stranger i pick up should answer all of my questions
honestly and thoroughly,
but 99% of them do, in part, because most peoples favorite topic is themselves and if you get off a plane and enter my car which is a welcoming cone of nonjudgement and support, youre gonna tell me all the things
this man did not.
and he was quiet in his avoidance, until he put his phone down and said:
ok, whats your deal?
we were listening to elvis costellos king of america and heading to dtla, which was smart on his part bc we were gonna get there in 50 minutes and it takes about that long to get from LAX to dtla, so bravo
my deal? i asked. im a mild-mannered uber driver in a robot car bound for all the thrills and chills of downtown los angeles in the middle of the night
no no, he said, are you a liberal or….
i couldnt place the accent from this white dude about 38-or 39-years-old. did he just get out of jail? am i in danger?
oh, i dont talk politics in this car.
why not?
because then you wont tip me later.
wait, what?
this is an extremely expensive vehicle. maybe the most modern on earth. i can’t pay for it simply off whatever smaller and smaller cut of the fare uber gives me, so i need tips. and if i enter into even a reasonably intelligent conversation about politics, i’m bound to say something you don’t agree with and when it comes time later to give me a tip or not, you won’t. ive seen it too many times.
dont worry, i’ll tip in the app, he said which any driver knows are the exact words everyone who fails to tip in the app says.
unnecessary. in this car if you wanna talk politics it’s $10, cash, upfront. and i held out my hand.
hoping to hear him laugh, he did not.
i dont have $10 cash, he said.
then i’ll give you this, for free, and who knows, it may upset you too, but fuckit. live dangerously. carry a knapsack. i am not a liberal. i am not anything. i am someone who believes public servants work for me, i dont work for them. i dont belong to government teams. team busblog. they need to win me over.
amen was heard in the back.
and here are the things i want out of this city and country and state. i want the best schools, the cleanest water, the smoothest streets, and cops and politicians who aren’t on the take. if weed is legal then let it be legal, knock it off with i can’t smoke weed at a ball game or a beach. stop acting like it’s dangerous and i need the gumment to protect me from it.
ha! he said and rustled his backpack
i think taxes should be low, but everyone needs to pay them, rich poor and even the church
woah
i love the lord but if i had a church id sock away 10% to pay the man. that money helps make sure my congregation can go to good schools and drink clean water and smoke weed in the rectory after service.
what do you think about abortion? women’s rights, he said in air quotes.
i held out my hand and said, $100 for the only correct answer about abortion.