he was 72. didnt look it.
chinese.
a very slow driver, which would have been ok, but i needed to get to back to my hotel.
but first walmart. then the airport.
i was on vacation in hawaii for a few days as a part of a family reunion.
do i have money for those sorts of things?
of course not, but my sister and mother took care of the big stuff.
i had $50 cash in my pocket.
i was going to walmart to get one of those stupid airplane pillows shaped like a horseshoe.
tiktok had a video where someone was raving about how they had reinvented it and not only was it soooo comfy but it prevented jet lag.
google told me the new plane horseshoe was at walmart but id learn later that google lies.
his car was nice enough. a little dirtier than id expect from such a nice man.
god he was a slow driver but that gave us more time to talk about two of my favorite subjects: weed and driving uber.
this guy liked to pretty much only drive from waikiki to the airport and a little up the west side of the coast. i asked how much money someone could make doing that in like 5 hours. he said $60-$70 depending on if he got any tips.
i said perfect, check it out. how about shut off the app when you drop me off, i’ll give you $50, take me back to my hotel and drive me to the airport?
he thought it over carefully. was i a cop? did i work at uber? was i going to ruin the way he makes $1,200-$1,500 a month? he told me, shockingly. there is a small market in hawaii for 72-year-olds to make that kind of money.
he went for it. which is why you should always lead with weed. cops would never.
i ran in, got the bogus normal pillow that sorta worked later in the plane but not really. ran back out to the car and he took me back to my hotel, which ive gotta say, was the smallest room ive ever been in. i pretended i was in tokyo.
i got my luggage and we were on our way to the airport when somehow he drove even slower. so i tried to ask probing questions which would inspire him to get me to american airlines asap.
at 72 does your wife love you or just tolerate you? i asked.
ive never had a wife who loved me, he said.
did you go through a few?
my current wife is my third.
where did you meet her?
a filipino dating web site. it’s for women who want to marry americans or europeans.
i thought, he got a mail order wife? i looked at him differently. more respectfully. grampa knew what he wanted, went for it, and made it happen.
how long did you two, type type type, with each other before meeting?
email for a long time, then whatsapp, then i learned how to use skype for free.
a strorm was coming to o’ahu. you could smell it. the humidity was thick. the birds were getting their affairs in order.
my dude was driving below the speed limit.
we have a four-year-old son, he said, huge smile stretched on his clear but somewhat wrinkly face.
get out, i said.
michael jordan martinez chin
how old is your wife?
she just tuned 40.
you got her at 36?
35
and you knocked her up right away?
we kissed quite a lot at the beginning, he said smiling brighter.
lemme ask you, did you know your swimmers could still swim at 68?
69. and no. i didn’t.
you son of a gun.
i would drive more but i love being with my son. thanks to you, i can go home now and watch youtube with him. he loves youtube.
i’ll tell you what then, i dont mind if you speed up to get me to the airport. that way you can get home quicker.
oh, good idea, he said.
but he didn’t drive any faster.